


it's a process

by jimjams



Category: Naruto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-03-29 01:38:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3877456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jimjams/pseuds/jimjams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>old ninjas get over the war together, somewhat, maybe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i dont rly write a lot anymore so please bear with this, i was just sad there weren't more kakagai fics in the world

It had been three months now, but he still wasn’t used to the meetings, being on time, and paying attention yet but- Oh right, paying attention, he forgot again.  
“Sorry, sorry, could you repeat that Shikamaru-kun?” Kakashi said with an apologetic smile. Shikamaru sighed, that was the third time during this meeting. “I said: Raikage-sama wants to visit Konoha and formally congratulate you for being appointed Hokage, _Hokage-sama._ ” It still didn’t feel right. Of all people in this town why did they choose him? Unreliable at best. He was a fucking mess, and he had been a mess for years. Apparently that wasn’t noticeable for everybody to see. Why didn’t they just reinstate Tsunade, she was still stronger than him. There were several shinobi better suited for this position, or at least he knew a few.  
His head started spinning, the only person he ever felt like he could talk to had been in a coma for three months and he didn’t know what to do with himself. “Did you hear me? …Hokage-sama?” shikamaru said with a quite unconcerned voice. “Ah, yes, sorry, sorry, I don’t know where my head’s at today,” he laughed. Shikamaru sighed again and went on, Kakashi tried to pay attention, he had been giving the young shinobi a hard time on that front lately.

Suddenly the door swung open; full power. Everybody turned around quickly as if ready to attack, except Kakashi, he already knew it was Naruto. It was always Naruto, and the others should learn soon enough. He even began talking before fully turning around to face him: “Naruto, we’re in the middle of an important-“ but Naruto cut him off before he could even finish; “Kakashi-sensei! He woke up!” Kakashi’s eyes widened and before anybody could even think to ask what that was all about, Naruto was out the door yelling, “I’m gonna tell Sakura-chan!” and Kakashi had disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

He reappeared just outside the Konoha hospital, startling a nurse who was taking a break outside. “Hokage sama?” he said, but Kakashi only had one thing in mind and didn’t even pay attention or apologize. What seemed like less than a second later he was standing outside the door to Gai’s hospital room, but now time passed by slowly. He had been there almost every day for three months but opening the door today was harder than ever.  
He took a deep breath, knocked and entered without awaiting an answer. Nobody else was there. “Kakashi?” Gai looked at him and tried to sit up, it seemed like every movement was still painful; his body had far from healed.  
“Don’t strain yourself,” Kakashi tried to say but it was barely decipherable. “Come again?” Gai said and laughed, “Where is the smooth talking Kakashi I know and love?” he teased. Kakashi laughed as well but didn’t say anything, he didn’t expect to react this way at all, he completely lost his cool. He walked over and sat down next to the bed. “I would have thought Lee would be here,” he said still stumbling over his words a little. Gai gave him a big smile and put a lot of effort into a thumbs up, “He was, but he went to get Tenten! He thought he should share the good news!” Kakashi grabbed his shaking hand and forced it down, “I see… that’s probably how Naruto knew,” he said.  
They were quiet for a while, Kakashi was still holding Gai’s hand. Eventually Gai was the one to break the silence, “Are you alright rival?” he said genuinely concerned. Kakashi sighed, he didn’t look at Gai when he said; “You should call it a challenge, I’d do it if you said it was a challenge.” Gai looked at him in confusion, “You want to do a challenge now? I don’t know what you want to do, but regrettably, my body is not exactly with me right now.” Kakashi intertwined his fingers with Gai’s, “You know…” He started but didn’t finish the sentence. Gai was currently busy looking at his and Kakashi’s hands. He remembered the first night of the war when the enemy had pulled back, Kakashi had held his hand back then too, but not like this. This wasn’t a “we’ll get through this handshake” and he was starting to get an idea of what the challenge could be, but he didn’t really dare to believe it.

“Challenge me to…” Kakashi said and stopped again, squeezed his hand harder and looked away. Gai could tell he was flustered beyond belief, it was very unlike his rival to be this way; he could have sworn he was blushing under the mask. “just say it…” he muttered. Gai barely heard the words, “Say what?” he asked. He was starting to get slightly frustrated. He was weak and tired and his rival was challenging his brain a little too much for his liking right now. Kakashi let go of his hand, and faced him again, his cheeks were definitely flushed, “forget it, I don’t even care about challenges anymore,” he said short of breath, pulled down his mask, cupped Gai’s face with his free hand and planted a kiss on the man’s lips.The shock froze him and Kakashi moved away, “I’m sorry,” he said, but Gai smiled a warm smile and reached up to drag the other down for a second kiss.

The second kiss was a very long kiss. It would probably count as more than one kiss, not that it mattered, but it was interrupted too quickly anyway, by the door being ripped open, Lee and Tenten’s voices yelling “Gai sensei, Gai sensei!” in unison, until they realized what they were witnessing. “Oh- oh sorry, we’ll come back later!” Tenten said. Lee was starting to object but Tenten gave him a firm smack on the back of the head, “Can’t you see they’re busy,” she said with a strict voice.  
“No, it’s fine,” Kakashi said with a smile, he was taken aback a little by being caught with his mask down- kissing, he would actually rather retrieve for now, “I kinda slipped out from an important meeting to go here, I should probably head back anyway,” he laughed weakly. He stood up and ran his hand through Gai’s hair, “I’ll come back after work,” He said, “See you.”

The moment he closed the door behind him he could hear excited yells from both students and sensei inside the room. He laughed a little and stepped aside to lean against the wall. It was as if a heavy stone had lifted from his heart, his mind wasn’t spinning anymore, and he felt like things might be okay for the first time in many, many years. Gai would be there to help him process everything that had happened and he’d help him too.  
“Kakashi sensei, are you crying?” he heard Sakura say, he hadn’t even noticed her and Naruto approaching, he hadn’t really noticed he was crying either, “It seems so,” he said and wiped his tears away quickly. Both Naruto and Sakura seemed concerned, “Is Gai sensei okay?” Sakura asked. Kakashi smiled, “He’s fine,” he said. His students could not recall ever having heard their sensei sound so relieved.  
“I have to go back to my meeting now, Hokage duties you know,” he said, they could even hear the smile in his voice. Naruto and Sakura looked at him as he left and grinned at each other, as they opened the door to the hospital room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not really satisfied with this bc i got better at writing suddenly when i also started reading so u can look forward to that in the next chapter and just live with this as it is haha

He decided to leave work early that day, even with Yamato asking him if he wouldn’t just stay a little longer, there was still some paperwork that needed to be taken care of. Nothing could stop him though, he promised to come back later to do it. Yamato didn’t believe him, but the argument was lost so he just gave up and asked Shikamaru to make sure he’d at least be on time the next day.

Gai was surprised to see him back so early. The kids already told him Kakashi had been appointed Hokage, so he didn’t expect to see him until late night, nonetheless it was a nice surprise when he snuck in through the window exclaiming that he had brought dinner.

“I know you probably can’t eat much yet, but I’m pretty hungry so it’s fine,” he said. Gai grunted, “You’re so considerate,” he said sarcastically.

Kakashi sat down on the chair next to the bed and opened a box with takeout from Gai’s favorite restaurant and handed it to him. Kakashi could tell it was still hard for Gai to move his arms regularly. “Did Sakura take a look at you yet?” he asked. Gai looked at him, his mouth full of food, Kakashi shrugged apologetically, “Not yet,” Gai managed to say. “How come? She was here earlier…” Gai swallowed his food; “She wanted to find Tsunade and go over it with her. I assured her she could do it alone! But as she said, nobody has ever survived the 8 gates before, she would rather have two opinions on the matter!” he exclaimed. Kakashi imagined the smile and thumbs up Gai had given her. “I see…” he said, “She’s smart.”

They ate in silence for a while before Kakashi decided to start a conversation. He had been thinking… to Gai, the war had just ended; all the experiences were still fresh for him, unprocessed. Kakashi hadn’t exactly processed it either, but he had had time to calm down if only just a little. “I think we ought to talk about what happened during the war…” he started, but Gai held out his hand for kakashi to take it. He did. “I know we have to, but right now I’d rather hear about what you’ve been doing while I wasn’t here.” Gai said with a smile and squeezed his hand. Kakashi sighed. “Don’t sigh at me! Bring out that youthful spirit rival! Tell me about your great adventures as the sixth Hokage!” Kakashi smiled at him, if that was what he wanted he’d agree to it. It might have been more for his own sake to talk about the war anyway, and right now he wasn’t the one of highest priority.

Somewhere along the way Kakashi ended up in the bed next to Gai. He had been talking a lot more than what he usually did in Gai’s presence, but for some reason it didn’t matter. He was resting his head on the other's chest. It wasn’t as big as it used to be, but he guessed that’s what happens if you’re in a coma for three months. He wanted to just go to sleep right then and there although it was only around 7 pm, he just felt safe. That, and he hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep since the war.  
The bags under his eyes were starting to attract attention. Gai had already pointed them out and asked if that was what being Hokage did to you. He was so close to saying “That’s what not knowing if you’d wake up or not did to me,” But Gai was sensitive and he knew he would take it way too hard, so Kakashi just laughed and shrugged it off. Neither of them had said anything for a little while, and Kakashi was pretty sure Gai had already fallen asleep. His head was resting gently on top of Kakashi’s and his breaths were slow and deep, very calming. He was about to give in to sleep as well when Tsunade opened the door, “Are you ready to get the entire look down?!” she said with her strong voice. Both of them were startled by her, “Oh! Kakashi, you’re here too?”

Sakura entered the room as well, she was carrying boxes with god knows what in them. Tsunade didn’t say anything as Kakashi got out of the bed, but she looked at the two of them with her arms crossed and head held high. Neither of them knew what it meant and they were getting slightly nervous until the kunoichi approached, smacked kakashi on the back and bellowed “That’s about damn time you two,” and laughed loudly.  
Both of them were taken aback, and both of their faces went red as they looked at each other. Had it really been THAT obvious? He wasn’t sure if _he_ even knew before this morning. Sakura laughed at her sensei’s face, “You know I always wondered when it would happen, but I didn’t think it would take opening the last gate,” Gai and Kakashi were _not_ looking at each other anymore, this was embarrassing, if he had still had his sharingan he’d be in another dimension by now, but once he pulled up the mask kakashi still couldn’t help but smile a little. He took a deep breath to collect his cool, “Well, better late than never,” he said casually, trying not to think about how close it had been to “never”.  
“Do you want me to stay for this?” he asked Gai, but the other shook his head firmly, “No.” he said. Kakashi shrugged and was about to leave when Gai called out to him, “I’ll be better in no time Kakashi, just you wait and see, we’ll be the same youthful rivals we used to be!” he gave him a big smile and a, still weak but not quite as weak, thumbs up. Kakashi smiled and gave him a thumbs up in return.

For a brief moment he actually considered going back to finish the paperwork he had left behind, but who was going to scold him if he didn’t? Yamato? Shikamaru? He was hokage now. Another reason that had been a bad idea, nobody to punish him if he didn’t do his work, he thought and smiled to himself. He went home and straight to bed, slept through his alarm and was woken up by Shikamaru banging on his door repeatedly.  


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry i lied with the end notes im writing another chapter im the worst

Today he had to stay late, that was his own fault for leaving early yesterday and sleeping right through his alarm. It was okay though, he was strangely cheerful, a couple of people had pointed it out, but he had just ignored them. Didn’t give them the satisfaction.

There was finally a quiet moment. Kakashi used it to get up and stretch. He caught himself thinking his body was getting older, but heard Gai’s voice in his head “What are you talking about Rival, we are still young!” he smiled to himself, for a shinobi he wasn’t exactly young, but arguing with an imaginary Gai in his head was silly.

When he finally got off he headed directly for the hospital, he didn’t exactly hurry, but anybody who knew him would have been able to tell he was walking at a faster pace than usually.

He went in through the window again, no need for anybody else to know he was there.

When he arrived Gai was staring right at him, or rather… he had been staring out the window blankly and Kakashi just happened to enter his field of vision. He didn’t say anything. Kakashi felt strangely uneasy.

“Yo,” he said. He thought he saw a hint of a smile but it was nothing like Gai’s usual beaming way too bright tooth smile that he honestly had kind of expected. He wanted to believe it was the war thoughts that had caught up to him since yesterday, bad memories at nighttime, but he felt that Gai would be able to muster a smile despite that, so. Bad news.

Kakashi sat down next to the bed with a small groan. “Sorry it got so late, I had to finish this paperwork and…” he just kind of faded out. Gai didn’t say anything and Kakashi was about to say something else when he saw tears rolling down the other’s face. Not the usual tears, this was not “happy” or “because he was moved by somebody’s passion and youthful spirit” tears, these were very serious tears and Kakashi felt his throat tighten.

“I can’t be your rival anymore,” Gai finally managed to say. What was that supposed to mean; ‘He couldn’t be his rival anymore’? Kakashi stood up.

“Both Sakura and Tsunade did everything they could, but my leg… it’s… They- they can’t fix it,” there were no booming adjectives, nothing, no unnecessary long sentences, there was only pain in his voice, “I can’t be your rival anymore, Kakashi.”

Somehow this angered him. Not that the two best medical ninja in the world could not cure this man before him. No, the fact that Gai – Maito Gai – would dare say this was the end of their rivalry. Eternal Rivals don’t just end. He wasn’t even the one to go on about it, it had always been Gai pushing _him_ to these extremes, he always thought it was ridiculous. Yet here he was, getting angry with this obviously broken man and he knew it was unfair, but still he turned around and headed towards the door.

Gai, clearly choked up, managed to ask him where he was going.

“Oh, I just think I got the wrong room, I was looking for Maito Gai, but I must have picked the wrong window,” he sounded way harsher than he intended and he had to bite his tongue. He heard a sound coming from Gai’s direction, not even words, they probably all got caught in his throat.

“Maito Gai would never let anything like a useless leg come between our rivalry,” he sounded so bitter, and he was angry with himself just as much as he was angry with Gai, but he couldn’t stop.

“The Maito Gai I know would see it as a challenge like any other challenge that’s ever been put in front of him and he’d face it head on,” Kakashi took a deep breath, “He wouldn’t let it stop him.”

“But what if he would Kakashi,” Gai finally said, “What if he couldn’t bounce back from this, what if he couldn’t be the youthful spirit he always was,” Kakashi turned around only to see the devastated look on the man’s face, the huge tears rolling down his cheeks. It had been too much.

“What if he really couldn’t be your rival anymore… would you really just leave me?”

That was when he truly realized… he shook his head in anger, he was a selfish old man.

“Sorry,” he said.

He walked over to the bed, his feet were heavy, “you’re right,” he almost whispered, “I’m sorry…” he stood next to the bed for a while, not sure if he should put a hand on Gai’s shoulder or not, he didn’t, but finally continued talking; “And if that’s really how you feel I guess we will just have to find another title…”

Gai’s tears were still falling. Kakashi would try to ease the tension, brush his mistake away quickly. If they had to talk about it later, then so be it, but he had to try to undo this now. He tapped his chin with his index finger as if he was thinking hard, “hmm… eternal…” he paused for a moment.

“How about eternal soulmates? Is that too sappy?” he smiled, Gai was all about being sappy. The other looked up at him his lower lip was trembling, his eyes welled up with tears again, the usual kind however, he was so easily distracted.

“Kakashi!” he exclaimed. But at once it was as if something hit him, his face grew darker again, “You are right too though. I think… sitting here alone with these thoughts just, they ruined my beautiful and youthful outlook…”

“Gai, I wasn’t fair…”                         

“No, no. You weren’t. But you were still right.” He said, and then added “partly,” and smiled. Kakashi smiled back.

“Now,” he said, “eternal soulmates… you know I don’t see why we can’t be both!” he gave Kakashi a big smile and a thumbs up, his arms seemed back to speed now. Kakashi sighed, “If we’re still going to be rivals there’s no need for the soulmate thing,” he said defeated, he could feel the regret welling up, he just knew how Gai was going to tell everybody, and make sure to mention it was Kakashi’s idea.

“Oh but I think it’s beautiful, and true!” Gai said while clenching his fist. Kakashi sighed, “No really, I think Rivals cover it, Gai, I think once you pick your perfect rival that also covers soulmates,” he tried smiling, maybe if he smiled Gai would be convinced.

“Oh Kakashi, but – wait, _perfect_ rival?” Gai looked at him in astonishment.

“Eternal, I meant _eternal_ rival,” Kakashi said, he was digging a hole under his own feet. Gai just laughed at him, grabbed his arm and dragged him down for an awkward hug, “You are the perfect rival,” he said, and Kakashi sighed, he’d have to live with ‘eternal perfect rival soulmate’ now, he just knew it. Still, the thought of Gai bellowing that when he saw him from across the street made him chuckle. He slowly edged his way out of Gai’s embrace and sat down next to the bed.

They were quiet for a while, both catching their breath. Gai always had a lot to say, but Kakashi could tell it wasn’t coming as easily right now. He was convinced he’d be back to normal once he got out of the hospital, or maybe even in just a couple of days, he wouldn’t be surprised. He didn’t mind the silence, but he preferred the noise… when it was coming from Gai anyway. He preferred the familiarity of his voice over the paralyzing silence the last few months has brought him.

He looked over at Gai to find him staring at him as well. “I have a challenge for you,” he said. Kakashi was slightly surprised, “now?” he asked.  
Gai seemed to blush a little, “Yes, rival,” he said. Kakashi was relieved there wasn’t any soulmate attached to that, “What is it then?” he said, he’d accept it if it wasn’t too ridiculous. Gai still seemed nervous, tripping over his words a little; “I want to challenge you to… challenge you to… um… haha… like you were doing…”  

Kakashi looked at him with a fake confused look, “what?” he though he knew where this was going, something like what he’d tried to pull off yesterday, “Just say it…?”

His face went all red when he finally got the words over his lips, “I challenge you to kiss me again,”

Kakashi laughed as he looked at his rival’s flustered face, “You don’t have to challenge me to do that,” he said, slipped down his mask, and lightly kissed his cheekbone. He hesitated briefly before moving to the lips, not because he didn’t want to, but if was different now than yesterday when Gai had first woken up. That had been on impulse, this was something else. Gai could feel it too; today they weren’t desperate, today they were serious. The moment their lips touched Gai dragged Kakashi down, like the hug it was an awkward position. Kakashi pulled back enough to let out a “move over,” and he climbed into the bed. “this works better,” he said, leaving Gai no time to reply before he wrapped his arms around him and kissed him again. And again. And until he fell asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well initially i had one more chapter planned, but i talked to a friend about another scenario involving something i was gonna write so i decided this was a good place to end it instead, i hope it was somewhat enjoyable!  
> might write more things if i feel like it, but cant promise anything haha


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